Treken 95

"Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the Microsoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel."

"Captain, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."

"Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?"

"Captain, are you surrrrre you want to rrrreplace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!"

"Scotty, that's an order."

"Aye Captain, ProAudio Spectrum.

"Chekov, finish the software installation. Sulu, reboot the system when it's ready and prepare to go to task speed on my signal."

"Aye, aye, Captain."

"Chekov?"

"We've just entered the desktop zone, Captain."

"Captain, she canna take it much more. Another 15 sectors and the engines'll burn up fer surrrrre."

"Scotty, we haven't even started yet."

"Sorry, Captain, I just haven't had a line in so long..."

"Sulu, go to task 1. Bring up the README.TXT in the notepad."

"Aye, Captain."

"Wait a minute. Cancel that order. Plot a shortcut to the README.TXT in the desktop zone. We'll be navigating back there frequently."

"Yes, Sir."

"Spock?"

"It seems as if we have a hardware conflict, sir. The ProAudio Spectrum 16 isn't responding, either in sound or SCSI."

"Disable the card, Spock."

"I'm sorry, sir. It won't disable the SCSI without stopping sound card first. And it won't disable the sound card without the SCSI."

"I'm sorry, Captain. The registry is not responding."

"Bones?"

"I'm a doctor, not a beta tester!"

"Quick, Sulu, bring up the README.TXT file."

"Captain - it's gone. Some other task in the system must have moved or changed it."

"Long-range scan, Chekov."

"I found it, Captain. Wait a minute. This README.TXT file is for the game Land of Lore, with Patrick Stewart doing the voice of King Richard."

"Patrick Stewart?"

"You've never heard of Patrick Stewart?"

"No."

"Must be a generation gap."

"Captain, she canna take it much more. Another 15 sectors and the engines'll burn up fer surrrrre."

"[Sigh.] Maintain power, Mr. Scott. Quick, Sulu, put us on red alert."

"Captain, I can't figure out how to change the color of the desktop background!"

"Bones?"

"I'm a doctor, not the FORCE docs!!"

"Never mind. Find the screen saver. Spock, prepare to fire HP LaserJet."

"Captain, I've chosen the screen saver that says `Chicinating. Captain. It would seem that the needs of the few have out-weighed the needs of the many."

"Scotty, get us out of here!"

"Sorry, Captain, the engine is no longer responding! We'll have to do a hard boot to rrrrecover."

"Bones?"